At Saint Mary's Catholic Church they have a weekly husbands' marriage seminar.  At the session last week, the Priest asked Luigi, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same  woman all these years.

Luigi replied to the assembled husbands,  'Well, I've trieda to treata her nice, spend the money on her, but best of all is that I  tooka her to Italy for the 20th anniversary!'

The Priest responded,  'Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here!    Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary.'

Luigi proudly replied, 'I'm agonna go and get her.'

If you are on an airplane sitting next to someone who irritates you follow these instructions:


1. Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case.
2. Remove your laptop.
3. Start it up
4. Make sure the guy who is annoying you, can see the screen.
5. Close your eyes tilt your head up to the sky and move your lips as if praying
6. Then run this screen. Click this
7. Try guessing the look on the co-traveller's face.

wazza5262 wrote on Oct 12^th, 2008 at 12:16am:


Hey Wazza
Did my wife get you to post that poem... 
   
Aart

War in Iraq

A platoon of soldiers was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious.

On the opposite side of the road was an Australian soldier in a similar but less serious state.

The soldier was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the Platoon Leader asked the injured Australian what had happened.

The soldier reported, 'I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent.' We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved.

He yelled back that Kevin Rudd is a bureaucratic, Good-for-nothing, left wing labour dickhead who knows bugger all about running the country.'

'So I said that Osama Bin Ladin dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian!'

He retaliated by yelling, 'Oh yeah? Well, so does Julia Gillard !'

'And, there we were, in the middle of the road, laughing, shaking hands, When a f.......g truck hit us.'

All the best
Skip

It's all in the Driver's Licence


A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

'Mummy,' the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'

'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother replied. 'It's not polite.'

'OK', the little girl says, 'How much do you weigh?'

'Now really,' the mother says, 'those are personal questions and are really none of your business.'

Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'

'That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!'

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

'My Mum won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her friend.

'Well,' says the friend, 'all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it.'

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, 'I know how old you are, you are 32.'

The mother is surprised and asks, 'How did you find that out?

'I also know that you weigh 70 KG's .'

The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
'How in heaven's name did you find that out?'

'And,' the little girl says triumphantly,'I know why you and daddy got a divorce.'

'Oh really?' the mother asks. 'Why?'

'Because you got an F in sex.'

Have a nice day
Regards Skip