Australia’s Very Own Camp Oven & Outdoor Cooking And Camping Forum - Joke Of The Day

Reply #640 - Oct 30^th, 2008 at 3:19pm

Carolyn™ Offline
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A man and a woman were driving down the road, arguing about his

deplorable infidelity when suddenly the woman reached over and

sliced the man's thingy off. Angrily, she tossed it out the car window.

Driving behind the couple was a man and his

6-year-old daughter. The little girl was chatting away at her father

when all of a sudden the thingy smacked their car windshield, stuck for a

moment, then flew off.

Surprised, the daughter asked her father,

"Daddy, what the heck was that?"

Shocked, but not wanting to expose his little

girl to anything sexual at such a young age, the father replied,

"It....it was only a bug, Honey."

The daughter sat with a confused look on her

face, and after a moment said... "Sure had a big d***, didn't it?"

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Reply #641 - Oct 30^th, 2008 at 3:28pm

Carolyn™ Offline
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You have been mooned!!!

One rule to this game....
You can NOT get someone who has already gotten you!

Now... go out there and get as many people as you can,
before they get you!
I got you first! and you can't get me back!

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Reply #642 - Oct 30^th, 2008 at 8:33pm

sooty Offline
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Thought it was Halloween time again

I started out with nothing and still have most of it

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Reply #643 - Oct 31^st, 2008 at 5:26am

Carolyn™ Offline
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NEW WINE FOR SENIORS

California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.
It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.

The new wine will be marketed as

PINO MORE

I HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE

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Reply #644 - Oct 31^st, 2008 at 5:35am

Carolyn™ Offline
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Reply #645 - Oct 31^st, 2008 at 5:37pm

Crazy Dog Offline
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Just love life.....
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This old timer was travelling through the Australian outback, got a bit thirsty so called into this old Pub for a drink, while downing a cold schooner he sees a signs above the bar that reads,

A FREE SCHOONER FOR ANY ONE WHO CAN MAKE THE OLD MULE AT BACK OF THE PUB LAUGH

The idea of another schooner was very appealing, so he walked to the back of the Pub to where the Mule was, and then returned to the Bar, on his return the Barman said, that was Amazing!!!, you not only made the old Mule laugh, but you made it cry as well, how did you do it ?
The old timer said, that was easy, first I told it that I had a thingy bigger then his, and then I showed it to him... Grin

I love small, furry, defenseless little animals - especially in gravy!!!

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Reply #646 - Nov 1^st, 2008 at 10:15pm

skiproosel Offline
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The Four Cats

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.

The first man was an Engineer,

the second man was an Accountant,

the third man was a Chemist, and

the fourth man was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called his cat, 'T-square, do your stuff.'

T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.

Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said,

'Spreadsheet, do your stuff.'

Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies.

Everyone agreed that was good.

But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, 'Measure, do your stuff.'

Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces into the glass without spilling a drop.

Everyone agreed that was pretty good.

Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, 'What can your cat do?'

The Government Employee called his cat and said, 'CoffeeBreak, do your stuff.'

CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet.......

ate the cookies.......

drank the milk......

shat on the paper.......

screwed the other three cats.......

claimed he injured his back while doing so.......

filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions.......

put in for Workers Compensation...............and

went home for the rest of the day on sick leave............

Have a nice day
Regards Skip Smiley

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Reply #647 - Nov 1^st, 2008 at 10:17pm

Derek Offline
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skiproosel wrote on Nov 1^st, 2008 at 10:15pm:

CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet.......

ate the cookies.......

drank the milk......

shat on the paper.......

screwed the other three cats.......

claimed he injured his back while doing so.......

filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions.......

put in for Workers Compensation...............and

went home for the rest of the day on sick leave............

I think I used to work with that bloke. Grin

Retired
Camp Oven Cook

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Reply #648 - Nov 1^st, 2008 at 10:45pm

skiproosel Offline
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Hey Miss!

A group of primary school infants, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to Cheltenham races to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.

When it was time to take the children to the toilet, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the boys up, one by one, holding their willies to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, 'You must be in year four.'

'No, madam,' he replied. 'I'm riding Silver Arrow in the 2.15.'

All the best
Skip

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Reply #649 - Nov 1^st, 2008 at 10:49pm

skiproosel Offline
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The art of flying

A man was sitting in the bar at Mascot Terminal
and noticed a really beautiful woman sitting next to him.
He thought to himself:

'Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be an air hostess. I wonder
which airline she works for. '

'I still call Australia home' he says to her.

She pulled away from him & gave an ice cold glare.

'Obviously not with QANTAS'. He thought.

Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta

Airline slogan, 'Love to fly and it shows?'

She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to

himself:'
Well, she obviously doesn't work for Delta.'

A moment later, another slogan popped into his head, so he leaned

towards her again and said, 'Something special in the air?'

She gave him the same confused look, and he mentally kicked himself,

while scratching Singapore Airlines off the list.

He thought 'Perhaps she works for Thai Airways...' and said, 'Smooth as Silk?'

This time the woman turned on him and said,
'What the F*** do
you want?'

The man smiled, slumped back in his chair, and said
'Ahhhhh,
Jetstar!'

Regards Skip Smiley

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