A man  walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks  them for their orders. 
The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich,   'What's yours?'
'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40   please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A   hamburger, fries and a coke.'

The  ostrich  says, 'I'll have the same.'

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.

'No, this is  Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,'  says  the man.

'Same,' says   the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be   $32.62.'

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress  cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me,   sir.  How  do you  manage to always come up with the exact change in your  pocket every  time?'

'Well,' says   the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found  an  old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two   wishes.   My  first  wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would  just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be  there.'

'That's   brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most  people would ask for a  million dollars or something, but you'll  always be as rich as you want  for as long as you live!'

'That's right. Whether  it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact  money is  always there,' says the man.

The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?'



The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'

AT LAST AN ORTHOPAEDIC MATRESS FOR MEN

WoW


A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in
her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private
parts and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor
whenever she touched her 'there'. She tried it again and sure enough,
there was definite reaction.

They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him,
'As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the
trick and bring her out of the coma.'

The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they would
close the curtains for privacy.

The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room.

After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined; no pulse, and no heart rate.
The nurses run back into the room.

'What happened!?' they cried.

The husband said, 'I'm not sure; maybe she choked...?'

Have a nice day
Skip

An elderly man and woman, both in their 70's, walk into a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?'


The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?'


The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple
is asking for sexual advice, that he agrees.


When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way
you have intercourse.' He thanks them for coming, wishes them good luck, charges them $50, and says good bye.


A week later the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again.
The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.


This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment,
has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.


Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry, but I have to ask.
Just what are you trying to find out?'


The man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything.
She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house.
The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139.
We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare.