LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH




A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'   

She calls on little Ralphy.




He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'




The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'




Then little RALPHY says, 'I have a question for YOU.




There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:




One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.

The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.




The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.

Which one is married?'




The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'




To which Little RALPHY replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.'

Our New Supermarket

The new Supermarket near our house has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.


We don't buy toilet paper there any more.

A New procedure




A young couple went to the hospital, to have their baby delivered.

Upon  their arrival, the doctor said that the hospital was testing an amazing  new high-tech machine which would transfer a portion of the mother's labour pain to the baby's father, thus relieving the mother from some of the stress of this extremely painful, though joyous, ordeal.

He asked if they were willing to try it out. Both said they were very much in favour of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10 percent for starters, explaining  that even 10 percent was probably much more pain than the father had ever experienced before..

But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch.

The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer.

The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor then checked the husband's blood pressure and was  amazed at how well he was doing.

At this point, they decided to try for 50 percent.

The husband continued  to feel quite well !! 

Since the pain transfer was  obviously helping the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer 100 percent  of the pain, to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain, and her husband had experienced none.

They were both ecstatic !!!

When they arrived home...  they found the postman dead on their door step

Aart

For Skip, and Stew from an old salt...

Camilla bought new shoes for her wedding to Charles, which got increasingly tighter and tighter as the day went on.

That night, when the festivities were finally over and they retired to their room, she flopped on the bed and said, 'Charles, darling. Please remove my shoes. My feet are killing me!'

Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigour, but it would not budge.

'Harder!' yelled Camilla.

'Harder!' Charles yelled back, 'I'm trying, darling! But it's just so bloody tight!'

'Come on! Give it all you've got!' she cried.

Finally, when it released, Charles let out a big groan and Camilla exclaimed, 'There! Oh, God, that feels so good!'

In their bedroom next door, the Queen said to Prince Phillip, 'See? I told you with a face like that, she was still a virgin!'

Meanwhile, as Charles tried to remove her left shoe, he cried, 'Oh, God, darling! This one's even tighter!'

At which Prince Phillip said to the Queen, 'That's my boy: once a Navy man, always a Navy man!'

Grrr!!!

Totally Bats

Two bats are going for their midnight feed.
After an hour or so, one bat gets tired of looking and goes home with no blood.

The other bat comes home with blood dripping from its mouth. The first bat says enviously, "Where did you get all that blood from?"

The second bat replies, "Follow me. I`ll show you."

After awhile the second bat leads them to a cave. He says, "You see that wall over there?"

The hungry bat excitedly says, "Yes!"

Other bat says, "I didn't."